Ethics

For the week ending 12 January 2008 / 5 Shevat 5768

Get Me to the Chupa on Time

by Rabbi Mendel Weinbach zt'l
The Color of HeavenArtscroll

Question: In making up the text for the invitation to my daughter's wedding I face a problem of a conflict between honesty and practicality. If I write the real time I expect the chupa to take place hardly anyone will be there because they assume it will really happen at least an hour later. What is the right thing to do?

Answer: Someone once suggested that the word “bediyuk” (exactly), which many people add to the time designated for the chupa, is not really a warning of"exactly" but rather an acronym for "biz di yidden vellen kummen" (till the Jews will arrive).

You needn't worry about not being truthful in writing a time for the chupa since everyone understands that this is no more than a "ballpark figure". But perhaps you should consider pioneering a trend towards eliminating that misleading bediyuk term and stating instead that an effort will be made to have the chupa take place as soon as possible after the scheduled hour.

In this way, truthfulness and practicality can combine to make your invitation and your wedding more joyful for yourself and your guests.

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